2.12.2009

Hey Guys..

I don't have a significant other at the moment. I'm not sure if I want one. At times I do, but then other times I don't. I miss the security of one, I think, more than actually having one. I haven't come across anyone that fits my criteria for a boyfriend so until I do, I'm going to remain single. I've been on the hunt for a boyfriend lately. Haven't had much luck though. I'm not really "seeing" anyone but hanging out with several guy friends of mine. And until they can prove their boyfriend material, that's all they're going to be. Boys are probably what stresses me out the most. I don't even know why I let it do that but it does.

Just last night I got stressed over one of them. Little Mr. Jesse.. Italian and Native.. 20 years old. I met him on MLK day at the MLK Bash at a nightclub in the cities. I went with my best friend Heather, a girl from work and her boyfriend, as well as my friends Dan and Nick (aka Rizzo). Heather and I were drinking before hand a little bit. I noticed I have more fun when I go to the club after drinking a little bit. It helps me break out of my shell a little bit.. or a lot.. depending on how much alcohol I consume. Anyways.. This guy stood out to me since the beginning of the night but I was too busy dancing with people in my little group of friends to go and dance with him. But I guess fate worked its magic and I got seperated from everybody while on stage. I looked to my left and right but didn't see anybody. I looked behind me and saw a cute guy so I just started twerking on him. After that song, I stopped and he introduced himself as Jesse and we exchanged numbers.

The next night, I received a text from him. I didn't even realize his number was in my phone. I had forgotten I had put it in there so it was a nice little surprise to see his name pop up. We talked for a few hours that night and a couple nights later we talked for a few hours as well. We talked a little bit each day following that. A couple weeks later, I went out to Wisconsin with Heather to visit her boyfriend and his rommate. I drove back Sunday night.

That Friday, I had plans to go to the club with Jesse as his date. I'm not quite sure how going to the club can be a date, but I went with it anyways. I brought my girls and he brought his boys. My girls and I met up with him and his boys at his house before we went to the club and then we drove from there. This is where the situation gets a little muddy. I want to always defend him in his actions but it gets a little hard when he does something I don't like over and over again. We took two cars to the club. Girls in one, boys in another. We parked in the parking lot and his group of friends (including him) didn't wait for us. They walked up to the club without hesitating. By the time we got up to the line to get into the club, they were already inside. I brushed it off like it was nothing. When we got inside, he didn't see me for about a half hour. It didn't even seem like he was looking for me. When he was up on stage, he finally saw me and directed me to come up there. I pretended like I didn't even see him because I wanted him to come to me. After a few attempts on his part, he finally came off the stage to dance with me. He told me I was too beautiful/sexy/cute for him. I danced with him twice that night. I saw him dance with a few other girls but only for about 30 seconds to a minute. Now, I know I was supposed to be his date.. But that's okay, right? 'Cause you go to the club to dance with people. I didn't dance with anybody else though. I stuck to dancing with my girls only.. with the exception of Jesse, of course. I'm not the type of person to dance with every guy in the club.. I consider that a club slut. At the end of the night, I thought it would be a good idea to say "good bye" to Jesse before I left. When I went to say just that, someone pushed him and he got angry. He looked like he was going to throw a punch at him, push him, or something. My girls wanted to leave so they were pushing me towards the door and I never actually got to say "good bye". On the ride home, my girls were basically telling me they were getting a bad vibe from this guy and they thought I could do better. I should've believed them from the start but I didn't want to just drop him like that. I texted him and said, "I tried to say good bye to you but couldn't get your attention." I never got a response.

The next day, I still hadn't gotten a text from him. I started stressing over it. Sunday came and even still I hadn't gotten a text. I had been keeping Heather updated on Jesse from the beginning and she was beginning to get irritated so she asked for his number and texted him herself. He told her he got his phone stolen that night. It seems like a valid excuse because he was drunk as well. I went on like normal and pretended like nothing was wrong. He texted me every afternoon to say "Hey."

Tuesday night I went over to my old house where I lived for a few months when I lived on my own. I was supposed to babysit my old roommates kids so she could go to a party but she ended up not going so we all just hung out. I had texted Jesse earlier that night and asked him to come over and drink with us and just hang out. He never gave me an answer if he was coming over or not. I called him later that night after I hadn't heard from him for awhile and he was drunk off a bottle of patron he shared with his roommate. I thought to myself.. why couldn't he bring that bottle over to my house and drink it there? He said he was going to try to find a sober driver and come over but never called back.

The next day, I talked to him about it and he said he had passed out. Yet again.. I defended him and thought nothing of it. I invited him over to my old house again that night to drink a little bit. This time he told me he was going to come and bring a couple of his friends. He was coming for sure. Or so I thought. He told me he would be there around 9. At 8:30, I texted him and asked if he was on his way so I could give him the address or directions. He told me he was just getting out of a movie. I texted him again at 9:30 and he said the same thing. Then again at 10:30 and 11:30. The last time I texted him at 11:30, he told me he was just getting out and he'd call me in a few minutes. He never called.

I talked to him about it the next day and his excuse this time was that his phone died. I knew he was playing games but I didn't want to believe it so I gave him yet another chance even though he was far from deserving it.

A few nights ago, after he texted me, he asked me if I'd be his valentine. I asked him if he was going to take me on a date. He said he was and he would be taking me to Buca. My intuition told me that this date was never going to happen. I was starting to believe he was playing games. There were too many signs. After the stunt he pulled last night, I've decided to cancel the Valentine's date myself whether it was ever going to happen or not.

So last night.. Wow.. I don't even know what to say. I was going to go to a movie alone. Another student in my stress management class does that sometimes and says it helps when he just needs to be alone. I thought and decided I didn't want to go alone. I texted Jesse and asked him if he had plans for the night and he said he didn't. So when I asked him if he wanted to go to a movie with me, he agreed to go. I asked him if he was really going to go through with it and he responded by asking where the movie was at. I had decided to go to a movie theatre near my house. He thought it was too far. I had been keeping Heather updated up til this point and she had had enough and decided to text him herself to see what his deal was. She gave him a piece of her mind since I have a hard time doing it myself. I gave him a little piece of my mind too. After some discussion, I was going to drive closer to him to catch a movie. I thought that was fair. That way he wouldn't have to drive the whole way. He asked me if I wanted to go to the casino instead. I thought that sounded like a fun idea so I agreed. He told me he'd call me when he wanted me to head over there. But.. he never called.. I waited by my phone like a fool, looking dumb, until 11:30. Heather had asked multiple times if I was with him. The third time I responded with a "No", she texted him herself and asked what his deal was. He told her he was sleeping.. I definitely did not know what to say to that. I was like.. Wow! My heart just dropped. Earlier that night I told him all he needed to do was be open and honest with me. I'm a pretty understanding person, as you can see. So when Heather told me he was sleeping, I decided at that point that I had enough. That was it. This was the 3rd or 4th strike against him. I'm not the type to get played. I won't allow it.

Right now it's 8:57pm and I still have not heard from him. That's okay though. I'm okay with that. Even if he did text me, I wouldn't respond. I'm not going to if he texts me at all this week and most likely forever. I'm going to the same nightclub I met him at this Sunday and he'll most likely be there so that could get interesting if he shows. I'm hoping he does so that I can get my sweet revenge. Muahahahaha. I'm thinking of ideas as we speak. So far I only have one idea.. I already know he's going to step to me like there's nothing wrong. He's going to pretend like nothing happened and we're okay. I'm going to put my hand up, almost in his face. Look him in the eye and do something (I'm not sure what yet) and then walk away. I'm going to make him miss me. I'm something you'll regret losing, I guarantee you that. And he's going to feel it. :)